Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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