barbara walters just said penis...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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