so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
