im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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