community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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