I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
