Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
