Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
