I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
