if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize