i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize