This is not my ceiling
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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