On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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