is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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