You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
