I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
