im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
