so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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