i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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