oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
