I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
