i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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