My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
