You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
