i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I supernannyed him into submission
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
