I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
