is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
