No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
