i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
