I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
