I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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