Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
