He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
