i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
