just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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