if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
