I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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