he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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