Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
