the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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