Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
