I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
