you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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