If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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