She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
