I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
