Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
