I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
