first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
please come you make the beer taste better
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
