do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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