you traded sex for a burrito?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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