Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
