It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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