two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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