what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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