I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
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knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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