I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
