My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
