Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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