normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
