so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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