He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
