umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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