Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
