It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
