my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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