Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
