I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
