Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
