Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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