I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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