I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
