We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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