I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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