i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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