so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
