i permit you to call me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
