we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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