Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
