tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
