My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
